I Was Tired

I’ve been wanting to write about marriage for quite sometime now but couldn’t find the words, the time, nor the energy. I was struggling to put into words what I wanted to say about marriage because for the last 4 years, my thoughts have been so wrapped around being a parent that being a wife was something I let take the back seat. Why? Because I was tired.

When I was teaching a few years ago, I gave it my all. I knew I was doing exactly what God intended me to do; I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.. and I loved it. I never saw myself leaving..but then I became a mom. I was so angry at my job when I returned from maternity leave. I hated that my heart wasn’t the same anymore. I couldn’t find balance and because of that I decided to leave my profession to pursue a job that allowed me to be with my children every second of every day. See, the thing is.. I feel everything-people might even say I feel too much. But when my heart is in something, it builds walls around it to keep it from actually spilling out with so much love. And while it makes me who I am, it also blinds me from all the other aspects in life that make me MORE of who I can be. Because of this, when I became a mom, I allowed myself to be less of everything else.

8 years ago I started dating my husband. Everything felt right; we were a team and we were best friends from the very beginning. We both fell fast and hard and before we knew it, we were married. We are going on 6 years of marriage this year and while we are far from perfect, we’ve built a foundation, relationship, and family that makes me very proud. We’ve gone through trials and I’m positive we will go through more, but we have an understanding and respect for each other that allows us to grow our marriage rather than stay comfortable. This didn’t happen naturally. This hasn’t been the case since the beginning, because like I said before, when I became a mom, I gave parenting my all and lacked the ability to balance. It wasn’t until these last couple of months that I felt the desire and passion to start putting my marriage before being a parent, and while I’m not happy about that delay, I hope others know it’s ok. When I brought this up to my husband, we were trying to figure out what triggered my change in priorities. Then I realized what it was. I wasn’t tired anymore.

So if you’re a wife and you’re tired, give yourself a break. Talk to your spouse, promise them you’ll be back but that you just need to recharge, set realistic goals to spend more one on one time together, and confide in each other about each other. Don’t scroll through social media wishing you were the wife with the husband who likes to pose for pictures with you or who likes to come up with a new date night idea every week and remember you’re viewing everyone’s highlights not their lowlights. Remind yourself and each other that growth only comes from trials and a deeper love only comes from challenge. A perfect marriage isn’t a marriage filled with passion and desire every time he walks in from work-a perfect marriage isn’t agreeing on every weekend plan on the calendar. A perfect marriage is a marriage created for you two, and you two only. Just as every child is different and needs to be treated in a way that fits their individual needs, a marriage is just that as well. Find your relationship strengths and feed off of them. If you’re goofy together, let that part of you shine even brighter when you’re together. If you crave that personal touch, be the one to come up behind him and hold him in that hug. If you’re stuck in a place where you feel like you’re going through the motions every day without your heart being 100% in it, just remember, you’re probably just tired too.

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